And the Beat Goes On.

Turns out eating at the tables isn't much of a problem. He took to it with no real issue. Sometimes he'll sit in his booster, sometimes he wants to sit in your lap or on his knees on a chair, but ultimately he has taken his meals and snacks there, even on the weekend. Now the focus is really turning to discipline. He likes to play in the dog bowl. This is a real problem because the dogs need access to their water and the water is around the corner from the living room through the kitchen, so we have to constantly jump up and run in there to see what he is doing. I don't want to make the house a warren of gates, I want him to learn to listen. As it is, with another baby on the way and money super tight, I just had to purchase a fireplace gate for almost two hundred bucks. We have a wood stove and it's getting cold now and having that kid burned in the process of learning that the wood stove is an owie is NOT something I am ready or willing to deal with, despite my husband's opinion of "I hope he doesn't get burned too badly before he learns". Um, NO. In the winter we have that stove burning all day some days and with two giant dogs running around, it's just not something I want to even begin to deal with. So the stupid dog water and his habit of spitting water- these are the two things that are the major pain in the ass right now. Seems like once you solve one problem, another appears, but hey, that's parenthood and the hardest job in the world (and the best!!).

Rolling Hills

The kid has adjusted exceptionally well to the concept of eating everything at the table. We really haven't had any problems with dinner time this whole week. Of course the weekend is coming and that is the real test. Life with a kid is all rolling hills. Bad hours, good hours, bad days, good days, longer stretches of both. Luckily some of those good hours, days, stretches are full of such amazing, beautiful things that it just takes me breath away at times. Just to have him quietly read a book in my lap while I smell his magical head. When bad times come I remember to be thankful that he is a smart, healthy boy, and well, those pass too.

Still Holding Firm

Today was a pretty successful day with minimal drama (ie: foot stomping temper tantrums). The boy ate dinner at the table with us fairly well, though he did throw food on the floor. This has been a problem for ages so it will take a while to fix. Firm no's worked pretty well and didn't result in any major breakdowns. We CAN do this!

Discipline. For All of Us.

At 20 months old things are getting challenging. The boy is smart, willful, thinks he knows everything and wants to do everything for himself. That combined with mom and dad's laziness (and mommy's growing belly) is the makings of disaster.

Today is the day we buckle down. All eating will take place at the table. Bad behavior will only get one "no" and then we are getting up and doing something about it. So far today (and granted it's a work day so it has only been a few hours so far), we managed to eat dinner at the table in a timely and nondramatic fashion and have only had a few minutes of crying despite several very firm "no's". He does get it, he really does.

This all reminds me that parenting is work, especially with a smart stubborn child. It's HARD work a lot of the time. When we are exhausted after work, that is when the hardest work starts. When we just want to eat on the couch or sit here and wonder what that child is doing and marvel at the naughtiness of it all, that's when it's time to get motivated and get up.

I want to try to keep a record of my successes and failures so I've chosen this spot to do it. This child is the most important thing in the universe and I am going to put in all the effort I need to go make sure he is the person I know he can be. Even when I am exhausted and falling apart, I will get my ass up and try my best.

On Oral Development

Wow I haven't blogged in months! Time flies so fast and any downtime, I just want to read or watch tv or, believe it or not, get some cleaning down. Everything else is filled with the lovely stubborn amazing wonderful boy (and the husband, dog, parents, friends...). Nevertheless I was just sitting here watching Sawyer eat Happy Baby Puffs, something that he's been doing for over a year now, and thinking about what a great chewer he is at 17 months. I think good chewing and oral motor development is a learned, gradual process. I believe that I helped his skills by slowly introducing him to continuously more firm/ chewy/ crispy food from 4 months old. First the baby oatmeal (Happy Baby again) very runny, then more and more firm so that he had to use his tongue to move it around his mouth. Then progressively more bulkier soft foods like roasted sweet potato or squash. Then even more "solid" food like bananas and avocado. Now he eats crispy cereal puffs and apples with no problem. And. he's done with his pile of puffs so off I go...!

This Is What They Meant When They Said You'd Have to Make Hard Decisions

In 2005 the dog I had for 13.5 years, since I was 18 years old, got really sick. He lost his hearing, the ability to hold his bowels, some of his vision, and ultimately didn't know who I was. I had to make the incredibly difficult decision to put him to sleep. It was difficult even though I knew that he had no quality of life anymore and wasn't feeling good. I made myself go with him to the vet, and sat with him as he quietly passed. When people lose a beloved pet they seem to generally react in one of two ways; they immediately get a new dog or they can't stand even the idea of getting a new dog for several years or maybe ever. I fell into the former category. I borrowed a dog right away, not being able to stand the loneliness of not having a furry companion to meet me at the door. I was single after all, dying for a family of my own, with no prospects. I got that dog, my first dog, as a 4 week old puppy. I found him on a redneck from hell compound in some shit hole backwoods of North Carolina. A grimy little child was holding two puppies who were dangling by their neck and a bag of doritos. I did everything I knew to raise him right. When he was a few years old one of my roommates had a pit bull who repeatedly attacked him. It was a terrible situation. I don't know if it was that or his nature but he turned mean. I spent most of his life keeping him from children, mailmen, etc. He only liked adults.

When it came time to get a new dog, I wanted to make sure that I got one who would be peaceful. I am a person who believes in being committed to animals and I didn't want another situation where I would have to constantly be fearful of the dog doing something bad. Maybe in retrospect I should have waited and taken more time to find the "perfect" dog, but I thought that I had found the perfect dog for me.

My roommate and I found Cooper in the basement of Montgomery County Humane Society. The behavior specialist asked me to give him a chance. He was quarantined for kennel cough. She said he was a good boy, that he listened well. I took him home and he sneezed green snot all over my walls. I tried to crate train him but he was obviously scared of the crate from past experience. I penned him in the kitchen and for weeks every time I left for work my roommate would call and tell me that he had escaped. My dad would come and fortify the gate, make it taller. He ate the phone. We were all committed to him. I took him through beginner and intermediate behavioral training, took him for walks, let him sleep in the bed. I brought him around every dog and child I could find. He turned out wonderfully. He looked at me with those soulful brown eyes and cuddled with me in bed, letting me use him as a pillow. He let kids poke and prod him. He listened to me and he loved me.

Down the road I met my husband to be and he loved him too. They went jogging in the mornings. He was the lab my husband had wanted. We moved to a big house with a three acre yard. Cooper ran free and chased things and went swimming and jogging. We got him a yellow lab friend. He tolerated that puppy chewing and drooling all over him. We had a baby. He lay in bed with me and my son while I nursed through the night, keeping me company.

Cooper was always anxious though. He feels safe on a leash but when he is loose, he doesn't like unpredictable situations like being cornered or surprised or when there are a lot of people around. We put him outside when people come. He nipped my husbands friend and his father once, but honestly I thought that those situations could have been prevented. We managed things and time passed calmly.

Now my son is a toddler and he loves the dogs. Cooper has growled at him three times now. We are scared that if pushed he may bite him. I find myself in this impossible place, being this person who has to find a dog a good home because of a baby. I scoffed at these types of people, thought they were lazy, bad dog owners, assholes, really. But yet again life has taught me that judging people is just stupid because you don't know what you will do in a given situation. We have talked this to death and we can't live in a situation where we have to worry that our golden beautiful miracle of a child could get hurt in any way. Just today I was cooking dinner and my son ran right to Cooper laying in front of the door and was going to dive right on him. The dog didn't react but my heart froze in my chest. I just can't live like that.

I am trying to spread the word through facebook, everyone I can think of, craigslist, freecyle, everything. If we can only find him a good home with an adult, he would be the greatest most loving companion, just like he was to me. Sometimes I have the faith that this will happen, and sometimes I am filled with despair over who would want a 7 year old dog with his temperament issues. I the meantime, I have to somehow reconcile myself to living with him. I torn between loving him and distancing myself. I haven't slept in my bed since we made the decision several days ago. I am going up there tonight and already hyperventilating at the thought of what it will do to me emotionally. He sleeps up next to me like a body pillow. I USE him as a pillow most nights.

So this is what "they" meant when they said you'd have to make hard decisions when you have children. I never wanted to be this person who gets rid of a dog. I never wanted this situation where I would have to make this type of decision. How did this happen to me again? But here I am, and I will do what's best for my son.

My How Time Flies/ The Struggles of ToddlerHood

I don't know how three and a half months have passed since I last managed a blog. Oh wait, yes I do. I work full time, mother full time, wife full time, cook full time. I make everything the boy eats, pick out everything he wears. And I am NOT COMPLAINING; this is exactly what I want to be doing. It's just that something has got to give, and blogging/ writing in my mommy journal are at the top of that list. I don't want to give these things up entirely though. Time flies... this "baby" is 14 and a half months old!... and I want to document the moments.

Speaking of moments, my best current mommy advice is to cherish every moment, the good, the bad, the ugly, the AMAZING. Recently I found out that a boy I know from elementary school and his wife both were diagnosed with very serious, possibly terminal cancer. They have a toddler who is not even two. They were living a wonderful life. I think of them daily and every time I do, I remind myself to stop and stare at my boy, to appreciate my husband, to thank my parents, and to just live my life and really try not to complain and sweat that proverbial small stuff. It's hard sometimes to focus on the positives and not let things drag you down, but life IS hard and it IS a bitch and it CAN knock the living shit out of you, so you have to just appreciate what you have or you will be pure miserable.

As for that beautiful, phenomenal, delicious, stubborn, willful golden boy of mine... what can I say that won't involve writing a small novel? He is the light of my life. I have such a surge of joy when it is time to pick him up from nannyshare, it makes my whole day. He's at the stage now when he runs to me when I come, and that is better than any drug. Being a mother has always been challenging in some ways and at this stage of the game, there is definitely power struggle involved. I see it with myself, my friends who post on facebook, the other kids in the nannyshare. They start to figure out that they have control, and all hell breaks loose. This is another big lesson for me to just sort of be firm and go with the flow. I try not to get too stressed over days when he wants to whine more than usual, when he wants to spend hours going in and out of the screen door, when he doesn't want to eat or throws all that careful food I make on the floor for the dogs. Ultimately everything levels out; hard days are followed by extremely pleasant, easy ones. Bad food days are followed by him eating everything in sight like a little piggy. He is even learning "no" and some measure of safety. This is important as the kid really has no fear! I want to let him blossom while learning his limits as well.

No one ever said being a mother was easy. It is work almost every minute of every day. But this is the work that I always wanted, so I have to drag my tired ass forward sometimes and really try to be the best that I can be at any given moment. And there is nothing, NOTHING, more rewarding and worthwhile.

Obsessed with Food

Today's baby menu-
Breakfast: Happy Baby Organic Whole Grain Baby Cereal (oats, amaranth, quinoa, fortified with probiotics) with fresh banana and blueberries. As I mentioned before I am still giving the baby cereal because it is an easy way to get a variety of whole grains plus probiotics into him. Starting tomorrow we are going to start mixing it with goat milk for extra protein, calcium and fat. He's barely in the 4th percentile of weight (98th or "off the charts" for height) so I am trying to sneak fat and nutrients into everything.
Why goat? http://www.abundalife.com/goats.asp
Snack: Half a container of blueberry goat yogurt.
Lunch: Palmful of baked sweet potato, one egg from our backyard chickens scrambled with fresh spinach and a bit of organic cow milk mild cheddar, cooked in a bit of organic unsalted butter. He LOVED this, ate every bit of it.
Snack: Organic raisins
Dinner: Chicken with some sweet potato and broccoli, pear.

Bonus: I am still trying to figure out a way to use up some of the purees I still have in the freezer. He went so quickly from purees to more chunky foods that I was left with a bunch of prepared items in the freezer and I hate to waste anything. I cooked up some brown rice pasta and mixed it with a chicken, leek, potato and pea puree. It tastes awesome! That's what is going to the nanny's for lunch!

Goat!

I am so excited, my big boy (one year and 4 days--- a "toddler" now!!! still my baby love) is finally liking goat yogurt. It took a few tries but today he had half a container of this, blueberry flavor http://www.redwoodhill.com/yogurt
for his snack. Goat milk is easier to digest than cow milk, easier to break down the enzymes, and has really great health benefits. I want to try to avoid giving him a ton of cow milk dairy, so this is a big triumph in my little world.

PS I tried sheep too- I am going with this goat one because it is easier to find and comes in flavors.

The diet is still my big project and I am really enjoying finding new ways to nourish the little man. Now he can have dairy, eggs (we have our own chickens so this is super exciting!) and honey so that opens up a lot of options, including easy items like the yogurt or organic cheese that offer protein and fat while being easy to chew for a guy with six teeth. This little man is barely 4th percentile in weight but 98th in height! He is walking and never stops moving, just like from the time he was in the womb, so he burns his calories quick!

We are home in the snow today. Breakfast was Happy Baby organic multi grain cereal http://shop.happybabyfood.com/our-products/happybellies/multi-grain-cereal.html with banana and blueberry in it. I keep giving this baby cereal even though he could eat regular oatmeal because grains are always a challenge for me to get into his diet, and this is made with amaranth, oats and quinoa and has probiotics! Snack was half a container of blueberry goat yogurt. Now we are ready for lunch- we will do avocado and chicken.

More lentils!

The latest baby news is, he doesn't like mushy food anymore. This is problematic on a few levels, one being that lots of very healthy foods, like lentils and hummus, are mushy, and two... well, he has six teeth at best (two being just barely through). Laying in bed last night I started thinking about meatballs. I previously created a little recipe with organic turkey, potato and spinach, turned into meatballs that could be frozen, cooked in a sauce, etc. and easily broken up to pieces that he can grab, but since the ingredients were mushed up before cooking, also easily gummed. It occurred to me that I could do a lot more with a meatloaf, which would also be easier than rolling a whole bunch of meatballs. Another downside to the meatballs is that they are very easy to overcook. So, today I managed to whip up the meatloaf while the boy took a blessedly long nap. I wanted to use ingredients that I already had in the house because I'm on a freezer clearing mission.

I used-
1 organic russet potato and 1 small sweet potato- chopped and boiled until soft
1/2 cup of organic red lentils, cooked
about 3/4 cup of frozen organic spinach, defrosted
2 organic turkey burger patties, raw
about a tablespoon of olive oil

I mashed the potatoes, mixed in the rest of the ingredients except for the olive oil, formed it into the loaf and brushed the top with the oil. I baked it at 350 until it was firm but not dry, about 30 minutes or so.

He ate two slices! And I was able to freeze half, because it made plenty. The best thing is it's a "one pot meal", which means I don't have to run around thinking of components to make him a balanced meal. He ate the two slices and some pear chunks, and that was dinner for my almost one year old baby love bug.

Yay!